Managing top performers

By directly addressing feelings and needs in coaching and performance conversations, we avoid the practice of making assumptions and we can motivate the whole employee.

How do you ensure your top performers stay motivated?

Human beings are born with the ability to develop their emotional intelligence. But many of us weren’t taught how to express our feelings effectively, how to be explicit about our needs, or to ask for help in meeting our needs.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) was introduced by psychologists John Mayer of UNH and Yale’s Peter Salovey. Daniel Goleman’s book, Emotional Intelligence – Why It Can Matter More than IQ brought the concept of EQ into mainstream culture. Goleman made a compelling case for cultivating EQ in the workplace. His studies showed that the difference between star performers and average ones is 90% attributable to "emotional intelligence factors rather than cognitive abilities."

Question: What makes an Olympic athlete a Gold Medalist, besides natural ability and practice?

Answer: The desire and willingness to go beyond perceived limits. They have the ability to get what they need in order to stretch, to risk, to exceed.

Successful managers understand that high performers, like professional athletes, possess a combination of high ability and high motivation.

Learning a vocabulary of feelings and needs enables managers to ask and get what we want more effectively, and to help our employees to do the same. For example, most of us have needs for appreciation, support, effectiveness, and safety. Those needs are often not met day-to-day in our work. We can know that they are not met by how we feel – dejected, sad, and resentful. When those needs are met, we feel content, energized, even playful. When someone says: "There’s not enough admin on this project," we are hearing a request for help to meet a need for support. If the need for support isn’t met, the employee may feel anxiety, even despair. As a manager, here’s an opportunity to help an employee meet an important need.

"Sounds like you’ve got some real concerns about getting the project in on time." Or, "Help me get clear on this. What would help you meet your need for support?"

A workplace scenario

A large company’s On-Line Business Group is seeking a consultant to help upgrade the user-friendliness and look of the website. The leader of Business Group, Sandra, has delegated the decision for selecting a consultant to a project manager, Brandon. The due date for the selection is Friday, just three days away. Sandra hasn’t received an update this week. Making deadlines matters to Sandra. The project has a relatively high priority. She values knowing what’s going on. Right now, Sandra doesn’t know what’s going on, and is somewhat concerned.

Deciding to take the initiative to check in with Brandon, Sandra reaches him on his cell phone. Here’s how the conversation goes.

Sandra: Hi Brandon. Glad I caught you. What’s happening with the consultant search?

Brandon: Oh, hi Sandra. Yeah, sorry for not keeping you up to speed on that action item.

Sandra: OK, so what’s happening?

Brandon: We’ve narrowed to three candidates and are doing reference checks.

Sandra: Will you be done by Friday? That’s the due date, right?

Brandon: Still shooting for that. Depends on whether we can get hold of the references.

Sandra: And if you don’t?

Brandon: I guess we’ll slip on that due date by a day or two. I don’t want to decide without a third party confirmation.

Sandra: OK, well, keep me updated.

Brandon: Sure thing.

Sandra: Well, OK. How are other things going?

Brandon: Good. Pretty good.

Sandra: OK, that’s good. Well, bye then.

Brandon: Bye (as Sandra hangs up).

What did you notice about that interaction?

For one thing, Sandra gets right to the point of asking Brandon questions. She’s aiming to meet her own needs for clarity and control. But what Sandra doesn’t do is more compelling and of consequence. Sandra doesn’t communicate what she needs nor does she inquire about Brandon’s experience or needs.

Sandra’s approach of avoiding feelings and needs might have the following unintended effects. Brandon may feel criticized. His need for being seen, appreciated, or supported --- needs that all of us have --- will not have been met. Nor will Sandra be completely satisfied. Her own needs for effectiveness, clarity, control, even connection, have not been met. She hasn’t gotten much from conversation, and Brandon is left with a bad taste in his mouth.

What’s the alternative? In the following scenario, Sandra employs a different strategy to meet her needs and Brandon’s needs.

Sandra: Hi Brandon. Glad I caught you.

Brandon: Oh, hi, Sandra.

Sandra: Do you have a few minutes?

Brandon: Sure thing.

Sandra: I’ve missed connecting with you on the web-upgrade project. I know you have a due date approaching for the consultant selection.

Brandon: Yes, Friday is our target.

Sandra: Well, not having heard from you this week, I was feeling some concern. Can you help me out with an update?

Brandon: Well, first, sorry for not keeping you posted. I wanted to have a decision before briefing you.

Sandra Oh, ok, I understand your rationale. Thanks for that. This is an important project so I’m a little more than curious. So, what’s up?

Brandon Well, I’m very excited about our options. The good news is that we have three qualified candidates – at least through portfolio reviews, and the interview process. The not-so-good news is that we’re still doing reference checks. But I’m confident we can complete that process and make the decision by Tuesday, if not sooner.

Sandra Terrific. I’m happy to hear that you’re doing due diligence.

Brandon: Thanks, Sandra. I want to make the right selection decision. And if it goes ‘til Tuesday, I think we can make up the time. The candidate interviews were pretty extensive; and whomever we pick will hit the ground running.

Sandra: Well, very good; that meets my need to know. I’m also pleased to hear that any slippage on the due date will be made up pretty quickly. Is there any way I can be of use?

Brandon: Well, yes, there might be. Bobbi did a terrific job screening the RFP responses. She was thorough and timely. She made my job a lot easier. I’ve already told her that, but hearing it from you would be super.

Sandra: I’d be happy to contact Bobbi. That’s very considerate of you.

Brandon: Part of my job, I think.

Sandra: Mine too. Good work, Brandon. I’m pleased to hear this news.

Brandon: Thanks Sandra, and for calling. I’ll make sure to send an update on Friday.

Sandra: I’d appreciate that, Brandon. Bye now.

Brandon: Bye.

What did you notice in this exchange between Sandra and Brandon?

First of all, Sandra was explicit is expressing what she needed from Brandon. She also let him know how she was feeling in the face of the situation. These messages let Brandon know how he could help her. She made it safe for him to express his feeling, excitement, and to reframe his concerns about potentially missing a deadline.

Both Sandra and Brandon come away from the brief conversation much more satisfied because several of their needs have been met. For Sandra: clarity, control, effectiveness, contribution, connection. For Brandon: being seen, support, self-expression, and support.

On the basis of this and similar interactions, Sandra and Brandon will feel greater trust and safety to address even more challenging subjects.

By directly addressing feelings and needs in coaching and performance conversations, we avoid the practice of making assumptions and we can motivate the whole employee. As managers we must also model good behavior by discerning our own needs and speaking to them clearly and concisely. With the right words we can also express feelings on the negative side of the ledger such as fear, anger, and sadness, in a productive way.

This makes for a workplace that is creative, fun and satisfying. Tapping into emotional intelligence and learning how to express it vastly improves our people skills and makes us more creative leaders. It’s in this well-rounded environment that job performances soar.
Finally, here are a few tips you can use immediately for better interactions with colleagues, supervisors, and direct reports:

1. Notice and name your feelings. Ask yourself:
What need(s) do I have now?
How can the person I’m with help me meet these needs?

2. Listen to your colleague:
What might be my colleague be feeling/needing?
How might I help them meet there need?

3. Be explicit about your thoughts, feelings and needs:
Here’s what I’m thinking. Here’s what I’m feeling.
Here’s what I need. Here’s how you can help me meet my need.

Conclusion

By learning a vocabulary of feelings and needs, and beginning to integrate those words into the day-to-day language of business problem-solving, you will begin to see your employees taking greater responsibility for all aspects of their work.

Using this language is not therapy. While it does tap into our emotional experience, the language of needs and feelings simply and profoundly helps us to speak more directly, and listen more effectively to what others are saying.

Try it on for size. You may also get a better handle on your own needs, a better way to assess your own experience, and more compassionate way to bring out the best in yourself and others.